Sunday, November 17, 2019

I Saw My Dead Mom Again

Written by Alberta Parish

In the early morning hours of Saturday, I had a series of dreams and saw many things. Some good and others not so good. But one of the dreams I seem to remember well is about my dead mother. I dreamed that we were back in Miami. We arrived at a Miami port upon a cruise ship. Although we didn't have a dime or a place to lay our head, I was glad that my mom and I were back together again. All we had were the clothes on our back and the shoes on our feet. We didn't know what we were going to do for food, but everything seemed okay. It was a sunny day, and everything seemed so real. My mom appeared to be years younger and very healthy. I had the feeling that we reunited after a long time apart. We walked along the streets, and talked about many things. Maybe these dreams mean nothing and this is only the imaginings of a woman who misses her mother. Or perhaps, it mean something on another plane or in another realm of consciousness. I used to believe that all my dreams had meaning. But I'm not so sure anymore. The only thing I can relay to my readers is how each dream makes me feel. Sometimes, I feel sad when I wake up from a dream like the one I had yesterday afternoon.

I woke up from this dream when the alarm on my phone went off at 1:30 pm Saturday. In the dream, I found myself back at Atlanta Technical College where I graduated in real life in 2017. But in this dream, I went to see my college advisor, Keisha Hudson, to ask her if there was a class that I needed for graduation. In the dream, I wasn't sure if I had completed all of my classes in order to graduate on time. While I was walking around looking for Ms. Hudson, I ran across various individuals that I knew at different intervals in my life. But these people that I ran across were individuals that did something to hurt me in the past. Some of these people also undermined me. Some of these people I had never dreamed about until yesterday afternoon. There was one person I saw in my dream who I knew from church. There was an event inside the building, which featured Krispy Kreme doughnuts. There were lots of doughnuts for everyone present. It was there that I ran across the church girl and we talked. This person was also blind in the dream as she is in real life now. We talked for several minutes but she didn't recognize who I was by my voice. And I never told her who I was. In the dream, I never said a nasty word to her. In fact, I never said a nasty word to any of them even though they all hurt me in some way. In the dream, there was another person I saw working in an office at Atlanta Technical College. In real life, I knew her from years ago when we were coworkers in the Property Department at the Salvation Army. I remember how mean she was toward me, and undermined me on various occasions. When I saw her in the dream, I didn't open my mouth to speak to her. In fact, I pretended like I didn't know her. Johnny Leverett, a General Superintendent for Mobility services, was also in my dream. Ms. Hudson never cared much for me. Even while I was her paralegal student, she had this certain attitude toward me. I only recognize these individuals as having done something to hurt me or undermine me in some way. I remember exactly how they treated me. Unlike most, I don't believe in turning the other cheek. I believe people who practice evil against others should be exposed and judged and even punished for their evil works.

After I woke up from this dream, I felt sadness. It was a feeling that did not dissipate even when I went to work on Saturday after 3:30 pm. I don't like having bad dreams especially ones that remind me of just how badly I've failed in life.

For the past year and 11 months, I've been dealing with constant workplace harassment and bullying from store management. Imagine having to deal with constant workplace harassment and bullying on top of dealing with a loved one's death such as a parent or spouse or child? Nevertheless, I won't be intimidated. Neither will I be bullied into resigning my position nor walking off my job. If they want me gone, they will have to fire me. I won't back down, and I won't go down without a fight. 

If this dream means anything, it is a sign that I should never forget and never allow others to mistreat me or make me feel like I'm unworthy of something. I don't care who you are, you'll never handle me the way you want to handle me. I'll never allow another bully to bully me. These people in my dream represent all the bullies in my life who thought they could manhandle me roughly on the playground of life. But what they didn't bet on was that I'd fight back against depression and ALL the other bullshit they projected onto me. People like these don't deserve space in your life. The less you interact with people like these, the better off you'll be. Bullies do not intimidate me. Assholes like these are the worst cowards you'll ever meet. And I no longer live my life in fear of cowards.

May I soon reunite with my mom, and leave all the cares of this world behind me.

The End

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